It was a few years ago and I'd just moved back from the ATL to the LDN. I was happily minding my own business on the bus after an afternoon of retail therapy (shopping was all I did that summer) when I felt somebody staring at me. I turned to see an insanely hot, tall guy smiling at me. I quickly put my screwface on (it's automatic) and stared out of the window. I got off at my stop and coincidentally (or not...) so did the guy. He does the whole "you look familiar, have we met before?" spiel and I roll my eyes and keep it moving. We're just making small talk in the middle of the street and I notice with increasing horror that this man has a mean lisp. This was compounded by the fact that his name was bloody SYLVESTER! He couldn't even escape the "s"s in his own blimming name. I immediately felt ashamed at myself for being so incredibly superficial and the guilt compelled me to accept when he asked to take my number so we could do dinner sometime.
The next day, I left my phone at home while I took a short walk with my friend Friday's Afro. When he got back to the house I had 17 missed calls from the guy in the space of fifteen minutes! I called him back and the man had the cheek to be all "Why are you ignoring my calls?" on me. Mscheeeeew! To make matters worse, even though I was well aware that his name was Sylvester I kept calling him "Sebastian" for some reason. The more we spoke, the more his suspect English was exposed. I've never seen hotness die so fast in my life. It also didn't help that Friday's Afro insisted on yelling "Thlyyyyy" at me whenever I was on the phone with him.
Anyway, I fulfilled my part of the deal and allowed this man to take me to dinner, which ended up being at some uber-swanky restaurant in Blackfriars. After washing down my succulent, crisp-skinned belly of pork with some excellent white wine I realised I couldn't stand to spend another moment in his company. His lisp defeated me. I rarely listened to anything he had to say as his lisp was sooooo distracting. On the rare instances I did, his English dealt the other blow. I just couldn't take it anymore you hear?! He was all "where do you want to go now?" and I just blurted out "home!" I told him I was sorry but I could tell he liked me more than I liked him and we should do ourselves a favour and just stay "friends" for now. I've never seen a guy look so crushed. This all went down before the bill (for 200 smackers) arrived those few minutes spent waiting were awkward to say the least. He refused to say another word to me and only told me to call him when I got home as I could always change my mind.
Needless to say, I deleted his number on the way home and wept for the level of my superficiality. However, by the time I got home, I was over it already. I still cringe when I think of poor Sly but let's hope he's found somebody far more deserving....
6 comments:
LOL!!!!Oh gosh Thlyyyy..LOL!!!iCan't!!Do you watch the Pineapple Dance studio - guy called Chris has a deadly lisp!!
No I've never watched it before. But yes "Thlyyy" was terrible! My friend would do this EVRYTIME he called. It was impossible to keep a straight face.
We can all be ridiculously superficial sometimes, e.g. talking about a dude I fancy to Ms. Lawyerlady and I was like but he's not tall and he's ALATA. You know Ms. Lawyerlady...I got taken down a peg or two!
Lol @ Friday's Fro and 'Thlyyyy', LMAO. I can just imagine it!
hahahaahahah! He really liked you tho Sank! remember the one who called and was like ' I'm the guy who liked your lips' and I was like 'sorry mate it's not actually her you're talking to' He almost died from embarrathmenth!
Poor Thly, don't worry though someone chirpsed me once and when we went cinema, I brought along my sister AND my friend from boarding school AND I laughed at his granny jumper AND I called him Jackson Five because of his afro (I'm so ashamed, that is so rude)
@Nsoromma Bwuahahaha! I can just imagine! Erm but why are you fronting about the "alata" part though? Own your love proudly!
@Friday's Afro That's so badmind! Poor bloke. Thllly was so damn annoying though. Telling me how much you like me every 30 seconds is NOT the one.
Hahaha this is funny, but does reflect on some of the dates I've been on. And I seem to have the same problem with switching to screw face mood when somebody starts giving me any corny looks!
Its only natural to be a bitch in these situations. You say no to the date your a bitch... you say no to a second date and your a bitch!
Post a Comment