I know marriage is no joke and to walk out of a marriage would mean there was no solution to the problems in the marriage but how can people not see cheating as a "good enough" reason to leave a marriage? Aren't relationships based on trust? If I can't trust you to be faithful to me after we have pledged to spend our lives together how can I trust you in anything at all?
"Physical infidelity is the
signal, the notice given,
that all fidelities are undermined." - Katherine Anne Porte
This quotation pretty much sums up the point I'm trying to make. I have quite a few guy friends and I think this has given me some kind of insight into the way guys think. If we women allow them to get away with anything, they will continue to do it! We provide some men with so many ready-made excuses when we say things like "oh that's how men are" etc. I know for a fact that some women struggle with fidelity just as much as men are purported to but women are held to a much harsher standard than men. I'm not even talking about a mere boyfriend/ girlfriend thing here but MARRIAGE. If you don't believe you can be faithful to the person you claim to want to spend the rest of your life with, then why put them through this humiliation and heartache. Don't marry them! I am so tired of seeing so many Ghanaian marriages around me become infested with the disease of infidelity and the expectation that women are to look the other way. I think what pissed me off most about the blogger's post was her view that as long as the infidelity was not flaunted in your face, then it was cool to stay in the marriage. What?! Whether or not it's being flaunted in my face, the very real danger of somebody infecting me with some kind of STD concerns me. If you don't respect me enough to care about my health (both physical and emotional) how does you not flaunting your affairs in my face help me? I know I'm ranting but I really wish some women will let go of the "men will be men" argument. A real man sticks to his word and a real woman will not allow herself to be humiliated in such a manner. There are good men out there (I know several) and I believe that it's up to us women to destroy the belief that as long as we're well-taken care of in all other aspects, we will put up with a little bit of infidelity here and there. I love myself far too much to adhere to this, quite frankly insulting, notion. What do you think? Am I fighting a lost cause?
Currently listening to:All this love I'm giving- Gwen McRae
6 comments:
seriously, you are not fighting a lost cause. Doesn't the Bible list adultery as grounds for divorce? Will get back to you on what verse. I am also tired of women accepting it as a normal part of life to be cheated on. I always say no one will treat you a certain way if you have not given them permission to.
I do understand that many things may push a person to cheat but the person who has been cheated on does not have to accept it either. Before anyone messes with their fidelity, they must have thought about it before, during and after. So much thought goes into it that you can not say it was inevitable. If you respect your significant other and hold him/her to high standards, you better be doing the same... okay I'm done for now...lol
Preko na okakyirɛ ne ba sɛ... wo bɛnyini abɛto.
It's easy to rant and rave about these sort of things and whether your point of view is right or wrong, you have to be in one of those relationships to know exactly why the person thinks the way they do.
It's a bit like smokers... they know it's killing them but they wont/cant stop.
Only few people once in a bad relationship walk away after they've huffed and puffed.
lovely blog! and i agree completely! i find it unbelievable that so many women (African and otherwise) think fidelity can be overlooked...for any reason. women blame themselves all the time for their partners' infidelities. we should all be loving ourselves too much to allow pple to walk all over us.
@ Maxine it's good to know that I'm not alone on this!
@ Faf I haven't personally been in one of these relationships but I've sure been surrounded by them and I've never seen a happy one. My problem is that it appears as if it's becoming the norm and I feel like it's our responsibility to break away from that trend
@ Abena Thanks a lot. It's good to know that some of us are fighting lol
@ Faf - I understand where you're coming from being in it gives you a better perspective, true. No one claims it is hard to leave a relationship let alone a marriage, especially a Ghanaian one. However, I think Sankofa's point was that infidelity SHOULD be considered ground enough in and of itself for divorce? Don't you agree?
Living in a marriage without trust, which is what infidelity breeds, is HELL and being brought up in one is even worse.
Is infidelity grounds for divorce? Yes, on condition that one of them feels whatever caused the infidelity can't be fixed. E.g when you find out you are married to a sex addict and catch him/her cheating and then realize you can't satisfy him/her, you pack and leave if that is your preference.
Sankofa, based on your last few sentences I believe you agree with me that the Katherine Anne Porte quote is flawed. I know men cheating on their wives with other women but are there for the wives and are their best friends. The women know they can count of them.
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