Why?

I haven't been able to write a word for the past few days and I've even been debating whether or not to write about this issue but honesty was my aim when I started this blog and I figure that it might just be therapeutic. I feel completely heartbroken and have felt this way for the last three days. For the second time in a year and a half somebody I thought I was dating has become a new father. And this time, I had to find out through facebook! "I didn't know how to tell you" just does not cut it as an excuse. Disbelief is not even the word right here. It's always the ones you don't expect isn't it? I really don't think I'm naive when it comes to relationships and I've often been accused of being a cynical b***h but wow I so did not see this one coming. I'm beginning to think there's something wrong with me because how can this happen twice to the same person in such a short amount of time. Maybe God is trying to tell me something but I wish I knew what that message was. I don't use the word heartbroken easily but it's the only way I can think of to describe how I'm feeling right now. More tears have been shed in the last few days than I think I have shed in a lifetime. What sucks the most is I still miss him desperately. I'm patiently waiting for the anger phase to kick in but until then, can anybody say anything to make me feel better?

Currently listening to: Fool of Me- Meshell Ndegeocello