Why?

I haven't been able to write a word for the past few days and I've even been debating whether or not to write about this issue but honesty was my aim when I started this blog and I figure that it might just be therapeutic. I feel completely heartbroken and have felt this way for the last three days. For the second time in a year and a half somebody I thought I was dating has become a new father. And this time, I had to find out through facebook! "I didn't know how to tell you" just does not cut it as an excuse. Disbelief is not even the word right here. It's always the ones you don't expect isn't it? I really don't think I'm naive when it comes to relationships and I've often been accused of being a cynical b***h but wow I so did not see this one coming. I'm beginning to think there's something wrong with me because how can this happen twice to the same person in such a short amount of time. Maybe God is trying to tell me something but I wish I knew what that message was. I don't use the word heartbroken easily but it's the only way I can think of to describe how I'm feeling right now. More tears have been shed in the last few days than I think I have shed in a lifetime. What sucks the most is I still miss him desperately. I'm patiently waiting for the anger phase to kick in but until then, can anybody say anything to make me feel better?

Currently listening to: Fool of Me- Meshell Ndegeocello

On marriage... and weddings

As I previously mentioned, I'm 25 now and I've been getting the "when are you getting married?" question for at least 3-4 years now. I have many issues with the pressure people (especially Africans) put on young women to enter into the matrimonial state. Ever since I was little, I have been surrounded by people, myself included, wallowing in tales of their "dream" wedding and what their colour theme will be, how many bridesmaids will be present etc. etc. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with this but I feel that weddings have become increasingly highlighted to the detriment of marriage as a lifelong journey. As I've become older, my views on weddings and marriage have altered dramatically:

1. According to CNN even in a recession, the average cost of an American wedding is over $20,000, whilst that amount is almost the same in the UK except in POUNDS! You may disagree with me, but unless you're making serious paper this amount is all kinds of crazy. I am by NO means thrifty but how can I justify spending that much on ONE day, with the majority of it funded by credit? I absolutely refuse to start my marriage in that kind of debt. That kind of money can put a down payment on a house. Why spend this much money just to impress people who most likely don't even like you anyway?

2. I don't understand the insistence on having both extravagant traditional engagements and western weddings. Can't you choose one or the other? In Ghanaian culture, a traditional engagement is essentially a "marriage". The prevalence of white, western, weddings is just that- western. As the daughter of a pastor I know I'm expected to have a big church wedding with all members of the congregation (who secretly don't like me) accounted for. Personally, I'd rather have the full works of a traditional engagement than a huge white wedding. As long as my union has been blessed in the eyes of God, I don't see the need to feed 300-odd extraneous people.

3. I plan on being happy in my marriage and contrary to the insistence of several well-meaning "aunties", this happiness will not necessarily come about by me rushing into marriage with the first handsome doctor or engineer to come my way. I'm not going to sit here and pretend that money will not matter in my marriage, we all know that money talks. However, who wants to marry some 'Dadaba' who has never had to work a day in his life? I respect ambition in both men and women and I insist that my husband possess this quality in addition to honesty and caring. Being rich and successful has its benefits but the way you treat me behind closed doors is far more important and I have met far too many two-faced wonders to be swayed by money and power.

4. Just as I demand certain qualities from the future Mr. Sankofa I know that much will also be expected from me as a wife. To be frank- I'm just not there yet. I can be honest about that. I think I would make a terrible wife at this moment in time. I'm working on my inherent laziness and fierce independence. I can be extremely opinionated and the fragile egos of men sometimes can't handle that. Hey, nobody is perfect and at least I'm perfectly aware of what my flaws are. Pray for me!

5. All my life I've been surrounded by messed-up marriages. People who are married but might as well be living in different houses; husbands who have second families hidden away somewhere, only to be discovered after their deaths; marriages clearly suffering form domestic violence etc. etc. However, the marriage closest to me- that of my parents- has never displayed any of these qualities. I can honestly say that I have never seen my parents disrespect each other and they are truly each other's best friends. This has solidified my belief that a strong and happy marriage is entirely possible as long as one marries the right person and is willing to truly work on their marriage. In my somewhat extensive dating experiences, I can honestly say that I haven't met anybody who I can imagine in this type of marriage. I have met plenty of Mr. Rights but I'm still patiently waiting on 'Mr. Right for me'. Until then, I guess I have to keep a lid on my rage when the "so when are you getting married?" question comes.

Hello world! (again...)

This is my nth foray back into the world of personal blogging and I actually have high hopes this time around (fingers crossed). I actually have another blog with three of my friends but I don't count that because there's always somebody else to pick up the slack when you just can't be bothered. So I won't promise to blog every day because I like to keep my promises, but I will try to at least blog every week.

I wanted to use this blog as some kind of outlet for the somewhat random thoughts that rattle around in my brain. I've always held a little back previously because I was scared that somebody I knew would take umbrage at something I wrote and decide to report me to my parents. But guess what? I am 25 years old now and I think it's about time I stopped living for other people. So honesty is my aim and in the process, I hope I do not offend any people. However, if I do, well the 'x' on the top right hand corner of this page can be clicked easily.

So I think a little introduction is in order:

I am a 25 year old recent graduate looking for something to do before applying for her master's degree. The name of my blog 'Altius Tendo' means 'I reach higher' in Latin and that is my aim. I feel as though I am the product of different cultures as I have lived in 3 different countries in my life- Ghana, England, and America. Despite this, I consider myself 100% Ghanaian and would not change this fact for the world. I love books and anything literature related and I have an extemely complicated/ uncomplicated love life. There's no middle ground. It's either one or the other. According to my friends, I apparently attract drama even though I believe I do everything in my power to avoid it. I was born in Ghana (Koforidua represent!) but I have lived in London for most of my life. I also lived in America for a few years where my immediate family now live.

I think I've covered the basics and I hope to share more of myself on this journey. I hope to blog about whatever comes to mind and I believe I am in equal parts both shallow and deep so don't judge me lol! So wish me happy blogging!

Currently listening to: Pretty Wings- Maxwell