22 September 2009

The Musician

So I called the "ex" today. (He will henceforth be known as "the musician ex" to distinguish him from anyone else.) I don't know why I did but I woke up this morning thinking of him as usual and just decided to call him. Didn't think twice, just did it. I hadn't spoken to him since I found out about his child and it was strange, to say the least. He was surprised to hear from me and he apologised again for the way I found out, the way he treated me, etc. I think I actually believed him this time.

The worst part was hearing his voice because it felt like coming home. Frankly, I was horrified. This is somebody I'm supposedly getting over and the sound of his voice alone made me happy. Keep in mind I hadn't even escaped fully from his voice because I kept hearing his song everywhere I went. Barbecue? They'd play his damn song. On the bus? Some obnoxious teenager would be blasting it through her mobile speakers. Walking down the road? I'd hear somebody playing it in their car. You get the picture. This damn song that decided to blow up all of a sudden just to punish me!

I think part of me decided to call him because I'd rather have him in my life and have it take longer to get over him, than not have him in my life (even though it shortens the mourning period). I don't know if I'm making any kind of sense. I mean I'm willing to put up with the punishment of being around him even though I'm not with him than be apart from him completely. He was my friend and I don't want to lose that friend along with the person I was dating (I refuse to use the word boyfriend). I know people insist that you can't be friends with your ex but I've managed to stay cool with every man I've dated before (although some took a lot longer than others).

I've missed him immensely and now he wants to see me. I don't know if I'm ready for that quite yet. We'll see. I'm scared to set myself up for another fall. I guess we'll see how this "friendship" thing goes. I guess I really am a glutton for punishment. Pray for me!


Mike said...

This is what I think; we hurt more when things go wrong and it is by little/no fault of ours.
You feel for his friendship right now? I say go for it! Have some fun. You won't hurt more than you already have.
I said a prayer for you though bcos we all need that.

Maxine said...

awww girl, god luck with that! I know it can be quite difficult to keep your heart from doing what it does. Will say a prayer for you too:)

Nsoromma...Child of the Heavens said...

Everything's crossed I hope it will pan out well in the end, but sometimes the road is just a lil rocky. Still praying 4 u thou!

"Ooooo child, things are gonna get ea-si-er, Ooooo child things will get brighter!"

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