4 December 2010

When they crawl out of the woodwork

Why is it that every time you decide to just focus on the rest of your life and  give love a rest that old faces come crawling out of the woodwork?

I went out on a few dates while I was living in Ghana and I was actually in a relationship with somebody for a few months but I didn't blog about it for some reason. I can be very protective of my relationships and I think I still live in perpetual fear that somebody I'd rather stay away will stumble on this blog sooner or later. Oh well, let's embrace the fear. Let's call this one Koforidua Boy. I first went to Koforidua with my parents when I first arrived in Ghana in October and only really saw my grandparents whom I hadn't seen in over 15 years. I didn't see many of my cousins as they were in various places and I was only there for the one night. Fast forward a couple of months to Christmas eve '09 and my Dad calls me from Atlanta:

Dad: Are you going to Koforidua for Christmas?
Me: Erm I wasn't planning on it....
Dad: Well do you know your cousin is getting married and I think it would be really good if you went. It starts at 7 a.m. the day after Christmas. (His way of telling me I have no choice in the matter)
Me: I guess I can cancel all my other plans and make the likely to be 2hr trek at 5a.m. on Boxing Day to go to the wedding of a cousin I barely remember. I'm sure she'll be thrilled to see a cousin she hasn't seen since she was about 7 on her special day when all the attention should be on her. (KMT)

Obvious sarcasm aside, I made the trek to Koforidua after only having  about 6 hours combined sleep in the two days prior and I was happily treated like a museum display object when I arrived. As hard as it it to believe, I can be painfully shy especially around people I don't really know. I know that I was amongst my family but I didn't really feel like I knew them at the time. After hearing various re-tellings of the "funny" things I used to do as a child and how much I'd 'changed' (i.e. how did you get so fat?) the midday sun started to make me faint and I was ordered inside to rest. It seems I'd allowed the air-conditioning I was used to in Accra to make me soft- how embarrassing.

After my "rest", which had turned into a two-hour nap, I came downstairs to catch the engagement in full flow. My cousin's only a couple of years younger than me and her husband's my age so there were loads of people my age who had traveled from far and wide to make it to my cousin's big day. I soon as I stepped outside I saw him. He was 6"3, athletic build, beautiful eyes etc. etc. The works. I couldn't take my eyes off him and this horrified me! I'm usually the queen of playing it cool but I know he caught me staring at him at least twice. The next day, wedding festivities finally over, we were invited for luck at my cousin's new in-laws house and this somehow led to a game of musical chairs. To cut a long story short, Koforidua Boy and I ended up being the last people standing and in our mad rush for the last chair, I ended up falling right on top of him. Humiliation aside, it was all in good fun and served the purpose of breaking the ice between us. The "grown-ups" amongst us decided to continue our party at a local bar and after several Alvaros, Stars, akonfem and kebabs, Koforidua Boy asked me when I was going back to Accra. I told him I was leaving the next day and we exchanged numbers. I was playing Miss. Cool but I felt like jumping up and down in excitement. I went back to Accra for a few days and came back to Koforidua for New Year's Eve. Koforida Boy and I had been talking to each other every day and he'd made no secret of the fact that he wanted to date me properly. He'd already asked me twice but I'd said "no" partly out of a fear of dating after The Musician and partly out of pure 'shakara'. Anyway by New Year's Eve I thought "new year, new beginnings' so I finally said yes.

As usual everything was wonderful at first until they spectacularly fell apart a couple of months later. The reasons are far too convoluted to go into detail here but they boiled down to these:

Her: He still had some growing up to do and was far too sensitive. He'd go on like I had drowned his puppy if I ever told him something he didn't want to hear. I was a straightforward person when he met me so why would I change now? I felt he was used to girls falling all over him and girls willing to do whatever he wanted just because he was good looking (those Central University girls know who they are...). I also felt that he didn't make enough time for me. He lived /went to uni in Tema while I lived right at the end of the Tema/ Accra motorway so I didn't accept distance as an excuse.

Him: He said I was too harsh at times and that I "nagged".

Anyway, I broke up with him, which went down like a lead balloon. His first utterance was "nobody's ever broken up with me before" to which I answered "there's a first time for everything" and we decided to go our separate ways. After this everybody and their mother decided to get involved and we went from a semi-amicable split to outright acrimony. We continued in this vein and I started dating somebody else. We had no contact until the day before I left Ghana. He randomly called me to "check on me" and I informed him I was leaving Ghana the following day. He claimed he was hurt that I hadn't called to tell him I was leaving earlier and he'd wanted to give our relationship another chance etc. etc.

Needless to say, I moved back to London and we had intermittent contact until a few days ago. Koforidua Boy has now decided we're destined to be together and we should be dating. I know my description of him doesn't sound like it but I genuinely like this guy. Apart from the things that bug me about him, he's a lovely person who's extremely intelligent, focused, ambitious and very good-looking to boot. He basically ticks all my boxes. However, how are you going to tell me you're ready to be in a relationship with me again when we're 3,000 odd miles away from each other? I can't do long-distance relationships although I have nothing but admiration for those who can.

I went to Atlanta two months ago and I saw my ex-boyfriend whom I dated for years (and who broke my heart) and he was hinting at the two of us rekindling our relationship. I also seem to have semi-rekindled my Musician habit so this whole Koforidua Boy debacle is in addition to all of this. I guess men really are like buses- you wait ages for one and then three come along at once.

Is there some kind of secret law that means men come crawling our of the woodwork just when you decide to focus on yourself? Forget all of these exes, why can't I just meet someone new?!

Currently listening to: All of the lights- Kanye West (The whole of My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy is excellent)


Friday's Afro said...

sorry babes, well its nice I suppose that they come crawling back no?

Nsoromma...Child of the Heavens said...

All I can say to this is MEN. KMFT.

NONSENSE HUMAN BEINGS. Do you, mehn. Everytime things like that happen I can't help thinking that it's all a bit of a test.

Maxine said...

This is like Korean drama series! hehe...but seriously though, sister, FOCUS!

Afrocentric said...

Hi Sankofa.

I know I am really late, but I have kept my self away from blogsphere for a while.

Men always show their ugly little heads just when you begin to realise you don't need them. This may indeed be one of those tests life throws at you, to see if you mean what you say. My advice is to drop each and every one of them and to keep on stepping...that's until you meet someone new of course!

What can I say? The cycle has to be broken.

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